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Old 05-10-2008, 04:07 PM
SpyroTDragon SpyroTDragon is offline
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Default "Don't Get Married"

So! Do any of you singles out there are told this by any of your friends, relatives, co workers of this phrase? Well, I've been told this for many years passed. By the guys whose marriages are failing or the divorced ones. Why is it their business? They have none.
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Old 05-10-2008, 10:54 PM
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I personally have come to the conclusion that humans are not designed to be monogamous

Marriage is a two-way street and it involves work on both sides. My own experience of marriage has definitely discouraged me from treading that path again. It seems to me that a man will work tirelessly to woo a woman but the moment he has a ring on her finger he reverts back to his other passion - football (or, whatever).

I'll never get married again. I prefer to keep "my boys" on their toes and working hard for my affections
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Old 05-11-2008, 06:27 AM
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I think is because guys don't know what they want. They do miss the "Single"
thibgs to do like watch the game or hanging out with buddies. The worst thing
(for me) is flirting other females. Why do that when he has a wife? Isn't he happy with the one he has? So why marry? My parents divorced in 1984 and I never again communicate with my estranged father. I am set free. Some of my other relatives around my age also divorced. My older bother is married for 30 years.

It all boils down to person. Make marriage a priority, or stay single. Which one? If it were me, I am dedicated. I know how to think.
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Old 05-11-2008, 06:52 AM
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I can understand the views of those who have travelled that road and have ultimately been met with unhappiness.

But I too am against marriage, though I've never been married.

This is obviously shaped by my own upbringing, but I look at the whole concept of marriage and it just begs the question; why? If someone loves another, surely that in itself is abundant proof? A ceremony tenuously attached to religion and piece of paper means nothing, it seems completely superficial to me.

If you love someone and want to be with them, you do it. Simple. To commit to them, to love them wholly and in every way, doesn't require the costly expense of a so-called religious validation. If you love her/him and she/he loves you, how does a marriage make that more complete? In fact, the twisted and materialistic world in which we live does nothing but complicate it if you ask me. Marriage is nothing but a bureaucratic minefield nowadays, even more so if it goes wrong.

And before someone reprimands me about my slight against religion, I'm a Christian and have been for 17 years.
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Old 05-11-2008, 09:39 AM
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Married 23... or is it 24 years.
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Old 05-11-2008, 09:55 AM
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My mom attempts to discourage me from getting married and tells me men are pigs which makes her come off slightly sexist. This makes me very angry because not every guy is an ass. My sister's 10 years of marriage ended brutally so now all my mom can say is 'marriage is bad'... However, why she says that baffles me because she is still married to her 'original' husband (about 40 years now) - somewhat contradictory.
Anyways, whenever she tells me that it just enrages me. I want to get married. Im not going to let other people's impatience, misjudgments, incompetence, or whatever it may be, become a block. Sometimes people underestimate how hard marriage can be, and they need to get their act together if they want to make it work. Nowadays, marriage is easily disregarded and people divorce left and right. It's a disgrace.
Also, people who seem to have a perfectly fine marriage hear everyone else talking about how bad it is and how many times they got divorced, which rubs off on who ever listens and that person may up and decide 'Oh well Im going to get divorced because everybody else is doing it'.

Marriage is not entirely bad as some people make it out to be. There are still happy ones. It can be difficult, but that doesn't make it bad or whatever you want to deem it.
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Old 05-11-2008, 10:13 AM
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Quote:
Marriage is a two-way street and it involves work on both sides
HEAR HEAR!
I've never been married but many of my friends and associates have been married and almost as many have been divorced.
It's not just men either Spyro. From what I've seen first hand it's more that the 2 people who have married didn't bother to really get to know each other but instead imagined the other person as who they wanted he/she to be.
The other BIG complication is unrealistic expectations. "When we're married..."
Some people change, and others don't. The major complaint I hear is that what was wanted never happened. One, or both of the couple expected something more than the other was willing to give, or more than they had. Why, if you love someone, would you want them to change?
A friend of mine is basically happily married with 3 children. Yet her husband is sometimes a great disappointment. "He didn't notice...", "he didn't call or bother to tell me...", 'I have to ask him when he should know already." And she's right, he isn't the ideal mate all the time but my question to her is "do you love him?" And her answer is always yes; so, she must put up with his inconsistencies, it's who he is. He also has problems with her as well, and as Lo pointed out, it goes both ways, both parties must be willing to give in unconditionally.
I don't know if this is really true or not, but my perception of people in general, in the US at least, is that they are more self centered and less willing to "live with it" if the "it" turns out to be anything unwanted. I've always felt that the pre WW2 generation were more likely to stick out any hardships in a marriage because they had signed on for it and it was their duty.
My own personal gripe with marriage? I HATE THE VOWS, they have no meaning whatsoever these days! Most vows taken here in the US say something like "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." For people getting married now it should be rephrased "until death do us part or until we decide it's not fun anymore." Plus, the whole idea of the prenuptial agreement nullifies those vows It should read "until death do us part or or until one or more clauses in the contract are broken."
If you need a prenuptial agreement you go into the thing knowing full well that the "death do us part" thing isn't really important. It's been rendered meaningless
Those vows should mean just what they say, "until death do us part", and if you're not willing to do that, and you're not really sure of who you are and who the person you are marrying is, you probably shouldn't get married!

Probably what people mean when they say "Don't Get Married" is don't make the same mistake as me. My parents have been happily married for 53 years, I know other long lasting marriages too.
Married can be a good thing, but, just like all relationships, if a marriage goes wrong, it goes REALLY WRONG.
Maybe it needs to be rephrased as "Don't Get Married unless you REALLY know what you're getting into"

(did I really just write all that? )
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Old 05-11-2008, 11:13 AM
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I guess marriage is a binding contract and for some it works. It depends on the two folks involved and just how much they invest into those vows.

I view marriage as a bit of a tie these days. My parents were a prime example of a happy marriage. There was never any cheating - they were soulmates who shared a deep bond but that is rare these days, seemingly.

To me, marriage is a means to an end. If I was loved-up with an American, for example, I'd marry only for the required citizenship. That's how practical I am. But I'm kinda involved with a UK Eidos member so it's not an issue

Said member wouldn't dare ask for my hand because if he did I'd give it willingly - by way of a massive slap to the cake hole
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Old 05-11-2008, 01:23 PM
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You know, I've been single for..too long, and my mum is always telling me I'm better off without a man in my life. She also tells me that marriage isn't what it is cracked up to be. Having been married twice, I guess she knows more than I do. But then she'll say how she'd love to see me married and settled. ( ).

I have mixed feelings over marriage. I can't comment on why I think marriages fail, except to say that perhaps people don't learn about each other enough before they marry them, they still expect to change the person they love. If you love someone, why do you need to change them? Or you could turn that around and say, if you feel the need to change someone, can you honestly say you truly love them?

I feel that if or when I meet someone special for me and I am special to them, then we shouldn't need that little contract that binds us legally together. If you love someone and are committed to that person and the relationship, isn't that enough? Maybe if or when I do meet someone (and they agree) we can have a celebration of our love party or something similar, but without the whole marriage thing. I'm not particularly religious anyway. I've only just thought of that, I'm beginning to really like that idea.

Of course, there are legal implications of not marrying. If the relationship does break down or your partner dies, you're not entitled to as much (if anything) than if you were married. Parental rights or material possession rights etc. But if two people can be practical and fair about these things from the beginning, there doesn't have to be a problem.
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Old 05-11-2008, 06:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lo
Said member wouldn't dare ask for my hand because if he did I'd give it willingly - by way of a massive slap to the cake hole
Surely you mean teacake hole?
But I'd take the slap in the way I hope you intended it, to remind me of our opinion on the subject. But I'd still be gutted, I'd have to take back the 8.99 ring I got you from Elizabeth Duke
  #11  
Old 05-12-2008, 07:59 PM
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Usually people dive into a marriage unknowingly and suddenly realize that they cannot handle such a commitment. Other people can remain perfectly in love together without being tied down by any official knot.

It's a matter of what works best for you and your significant other. Marriage is not meant to be a long trip to paradise. It's a rollercoaster ride with plenty of ups and downs and you should always be able to take solace in the fact that you have the love of your life standing with you, through thick and thin.

To me, that's what marriage is. A partnership.
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Old 05-13-2008, 12:17 AM
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Marriage is what one (two) makes it. If two people are honest and happy with themselves and the other person as they are, marriage is a wonderful thing. Being married is better than just living together (or apart) for those two who are meant to be, by far. It is the best thing ever for those who want it to be. Never just one, both.

Too many people show other their other half minimal respect, and we are taught this is acceptable by all the insulting slap humour and cheating we are shown (for example on tv), but every edged word or thought does damage to the bond.

My time (here and elsewhere) shows me so clearly that most people are not willing to let it happen, and will always hold something back, will lie or bend the truth to such a degree it's unrecognizable, no matter how much they say otherwise, no matter how they pledge their fall is true. Most people are so self centered or in their center scared someone will see who they really are, they cannot open themselves up to the other person. Therefore, marriage is bound to fail for them. Most people have their foot out the door before they even get into a relationship. They start their internal conversations with, "If it doesn't work out, ..." .. ("Oh, if I don't move in with him and he's a jerk, I will be safe with my own apartment....Well, I will keep seeing Stacy in case it doesn't work with Margret...")

Go into a relationship with all of yourself, be honest, and you have a chance. If you are afraid you will get your heart broken, you cheat yourself out of the other thing a heart can do....sing a delightful duet.

Marriage is a grand and glorious thing, because it's what you and the one you love make it.
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Old 05-13-2008, 02:39 AM
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Old 05-13-2008, 03:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spong View Post
If you love her/him and she/he loves you, how does a marriage make that more complete?
By making it harder to split up when things get difficult. If a man and woman live together but are not married, what's to stop one of them just walking out if the relationship becomes strained?

With marriage, there is at least a legal obligation for the man and woman to make a formal declaration if they want to split up, and as long as that declaration isn't too easy to make, they will have ample opportunity to give it some serious thought.

It's especially important when children are involved becase of the effect that absent/divorced fathers tend to have on them.
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Old 05-13-2008, 11:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R Soul View Post
By making it harder to split up when things get difficult. If a man and woman live together but are not married, what's to stop one of them just walking out if the relationship becomes strained?

With marriage, there is at least a legal obligation for the man and woman to make a formal declaration if they want to split up, and as long as that declaration isn't too easy to make, they will have ample opportunity to give it some serious thought.

It's especially important when children are involved becase of the effect that absent/divorced fathers tend to have on them.
It's for those very reasons that I feel people shouldn't get married. If you truely love someone you shouldn't need something there obligating you to stay together. Love should be enough. And if there is a kid involved then there is a bond. Sadly this bond is often not one of love but more of a hassle that keeps unhappy people together for the sake of the child. I'm not sure how I stand on that one. On the one hand the child is very important, on the other hand nobody should have to live an unhappy life. Anyways I'm against marrige. People do it for the wrong reasons and then end up regreting it but feeling that they can't leave it.
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Old 05-13-2008, 03:23 PM
SpyroTDragon SpyroTDragon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatSuit&Ponytail View Post
Marriage is what one (two) makes it. If two people are honest and happy with themselves and the other person as they are, marriage is a wonderful thing. Being married is better than just living together (or apart) for those two who are meant to be, by far. It is the best thing ever for those who want it to be. Never just one, both.

Too many people show other their other half minimal respect, and we are taught this is acceptable by all the insulting slap humour and cheating we are shown (for example on tv), but every edged word or thought does damage to the bond.

My time (here and elsewhere) shows me so clearly that most people are not willing to let it happen, and will always hold something back, will lie or bend the truth to such a degree it's unrecognizable, no matter how much they say otherwise, no matter how they pledge their fall is true. Most people are so self centered or in their center scared someone will see who they really are, they cannot open themselves up to the other person. Therefore, marriage is bound to fail for them. Most people have their foot out the door before they even get into a relationship. They start their internal conversations with, "If it doesn't work out, ..." .. ("Oh, if I don't move in with him and he's a jerk, I will be safe with my own apartment....Well, I will keep seeing Stacy in case it doesn't work with Margret...")

Go into a relationship with all of yourself, be honest, and you have a chance. If you are afraid you will get your heart broken, you cheat yourself out of the other thing a heart can do....sing a delightful duet.

Marriage is a grand and glorious thing, because it's what you and the one you love make it.

That, that was beautiful, Cat. And I so agree with you that marriage is better
than the living together thing. I have no belief in living together with anyone.
  #17  
Old 05-13-2008, 03:30 PM
SpyroTDragon SpyroTDragon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lo View Post
[B][I][COLOR="Navy"]

To me, marriage is a means to an end. If I was loved-up with an American, for example, I'd marry only for the required citizenship. That's how practical I am. But I'm kinda involved with a UK Eidos member so it's not an issue

Ha ha ha ha! Well I may be an American and single. But I would never let another national decent to marry me for legal residency in the good ol U.S.A.

There is no guarantee on that. One of my cousins married an American in 1989, but he had to go thru citizenship with the I.N.S. in 1991. So, he is a legal resident. All my relatives are Colombia decent. I'm a born American. And I love my country.

Unless Lo, you are a native japanese, then I'll marry you in a heartbeat
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Old 05-14-2008, 01:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R Soul
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spong
If you love her/him and she/he loves you, how does a marriage make that more complete?
By making it harder to split up when things get difficult. If a man and woman live together but are not married, what's to stop one of them just walking out if the relationship becomes strained?
I'm sorry, talk about underlining exactly what I was saying and making marriage sound even more like the bureaucratic trap that I highlighted with my own post. Shouldn't people be allowed to part as easily and as painlessly as possible if a marriage fails? A modern marriage makes that nigh on impossible.
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Old 05-14-2008, 03:24 AM
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Spong are you saying that if a couple aren't married then their split is easier and less painful than if they were married? Divorce may be more difficult in that the couple has to go through the legal procedure, but it is no more emotionally draining than a split outside of marriage.

Take two couples who have both been together for 20 years. One couple are married, the other not. Both couples have kids and own a house. Which couple, providing they go through a split as reasonably and amicably as possible, has the harder time of splitting? The unmarried couple may find themselves in all kinds of trouble. An unmarried father has less legal rights for starters and take no heed of the term 'common-law' because as I found out recently (for something completely different), that term actually means nothing legally when it comes to property and kids etc.

This may all sound totally unromantic, but relationship break downs rarely are. At the end of the day an unmarried couple could still end up going to court battling it out for child custody and material gain etc.
A divorce/split is as complicated and painful as the couple makes it to be. A divorce can be messy, but so can any split.

With divorce rates so high, I'd say a modern day divorce is easier than ever.
 

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