DX Intro

MaxxQ1 · #1 12-15-2010, 12:59 AM

Another attempt at some humor.

I've posted the following before, but I now post it again to give everyone a reference for my attempt that follows (with apologies to Murderking, the original author of the DX parody, to Kyle/Coyotegrey for using him in this way, and to Rene, for making him part of the humor - it's all meant in good fun). I admit, mine isn't as good as Murderking's, but waddya want for 15 minutes of thinking at 3:30 a.m.?

Edit: Meh... see what happens when one is running on little sleep? Changed from JJB to Jean-Francois Dugas.

The original Deus Ex intro parody, as written by Murderking on the old Ion Storm Deus Ex: Invisible War forums:

Deus Ex Intro parody by MurderKing:

Quote:

Spector:
Your appointment to Microsoft should be finalized within the week. I've already discussed the matter with Eidos.

Smith:
I take it they were agreeable?

Spector:
They didn't really have a choice.

Smith:
Have they been infected?

Spector:
Oh, yes, most certainly. When I mentioned that we could push more copies on the XBox, they were so willing it was almost pathetic.

Smith:
This demo - the rioting is intensifying to the point where we may not be able to contain it.

Spector:
Why contain it? Let it spill over into the fan sites and chatrooms, let the posts pile up on the server. In the end, they'll beg us to ship it.

Smith:
I've received reports of armed attacks on team members. There's not enough of us to placate them, the PC gamers are starting to get desperate.

Spector:
Of course they're desperate. They can smell their death, and the sound they'll make rattling their cage will serve as a warning to the Thief fans.

Smith:
Mmm. I hope you're not underestimating the problem. The others may not go as quietly as you think - they've had two games done properly, rather than just one, after all.

Spector:
A bunch of pretentious old men posting on TTLG.

But the world left them behind long ago. Consoles are the future.

Smith:
We have other problems.

Spector:
The mod community?

Smith:
Formed by passion for good gaming, and a desire to be involved. I have someone in place, though. I'm concerned they'll take matters into their own hands.

Spector:
Our development skills are far in advance of theirs, as is our distribution system. And their... ethical inflexibility has allowed us to make progress in areas they refuse to consider.

Smith:
Universal ammo?

Spector:
Among other things - but I must admit that I've been somewhat disappointed in the performance of the primary unit.

Spector:
We've had to endure much, you and I, but soon there will be order again, a new age. Gates spoke of the mythical City on the Hill. Soon that city will be a reality, and we will be crowned its kings.

Or better than kings. Microsoft lackeys!

Updated parody by yours truly:

Quote:

Jean-Francois Dugas: Your appointment to the DX:HR boards should be finalized within the week. I've already discussed the matter with Square Enix.

Kyle/Coyotegrey: I take it they were agreeable?

JFD: They didn't really have a choice.

Kyle: Have they been infected?

JFD: Oh, yes, most certainly. When I mentioned that we could give them a larger share of the American gaming demographic, they were so willing it was almost pathetic.

Kyle: This game - the rioting is intensifying to the point where we may not be able to contain it.

JFD: Why contain it? Let it spill over into the blogs and gamesites, let the posts pile up in the forums. In the end, they'll beg us to sell it to them.

Kyle: I've received reports of armed attacks on shipments. There's not enough bonus material to go around, and the hardcore gamers are starting to get desperate.

JFD: Of course they're desperate. They can smell their death, and the sound they'll make rattling their cage will serve as a warning to the rest.

Kyle: Mmm. I hope you're not underestimating the problem. The others may not go as quietly as you think - intelligence indicates they're behind the problems on the forums.

JFD: A bunch of pretentious old men playing at game design.

JFD: But the gaming world left them behind long ago. We are the future.

Kyle: We have other problems.

JFD: Eidos?

Kyle: Bought by Square Enix after a reasonable bid. I have someone in place, though. I'm more concerned about Rene- he's relocated to elsewhere.

JFD: Our game design philosophy is far in advance of theirs, as is our ability to steal gameplay mechanics from the most popular games. And their... ethical inflexibility has allowed us to make progress in areas they refuse to consider.

Kyle: Deus Ex with prettier graphics?

JFD: Among other things - but I must admit that I've been somewhat disappointed in the performance of Rene.

Kyle: I should be online soon. I'm currently undergoing preparation and will be operational within six months. My people will continue to report on my progress. If necessary, the primary will be terminated.

JFD: We've had to endure much, you and I, but soon there will be order again, a new age. Aquinas spoke of the mythical City on the Hill. Soon that city will be a double decker, and we will be crowned its kings.

JFD: Or better than kings. Game Gods.

raz3r · #2 12-15-2010, 01:17 AM

You made me LoL, I'd give you rep if I can xD

Grimesy · #3 12-15-2010, 09:57 AM

Can someone please give me Kyles adress, so if he does activates DX's killswitch, I can send him a copy ofthe secondary unit IW. That'll teach him...

[FGS]Shadowrunner · #4 12-15-2010, 10:14 AM

I know you're j/k, but I can confirm that Kyle and the Marketing peope at EM are FAR from killing DX right now. I wrote to Sebastian about an idea which l left on the backburner and Kyle wrote to me, which is proof that they are fairly active in thinking about fans of all three titles.

Which ending will you choose? Anfossi, Dugas or Belletete!

MaxxQ1 · #5 12-15-2010, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by [FGS]Shadowrunner

I know you're j/k, but I can confirm that Kyle and the Marketing peope at EM are FAR from killing DX right now. I wrote to Sebastian about an idea which l left on the backburner and Kyle wrote to me, which is proof that they are fairly active in thinking about fans of all three titles.

Which ending will you choose? Anfossi, Dugas or Belletete!

Oh, I know that DX isn't going to be killed by this game.

I came up with the idea while freezing my ass off standing outside having a cigarette, and it was just intended as an updated parody to take into account all the "fighting" that's been going on here with regards to the choices being made in DX:HR.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - the conflicts here are nothing compared to what went on on the ISA DXIW forums back in the day.

Besides, I'm sure that once the game is out and has been played, there will be even more "discussion", and maybe someone else can take up the torch of doing a post-release parody.

LeMoN_LiMe · #6 12-15-2010, 11:22 AM

Hahahaha

WildcatPhoenix · #7 12-15-2010, 12:40 PM

The win is strong with this thread.

[FGS]Shadowrunner · #8 12-15-2010, 12:41 PM

It would be so great if the Malkavian Mod people could turn Murderking's Parody and this one into a cutscene...

MaxxQ1 · #9 12-15-2010, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by [FGS]Shadowrunner

It would be so great if the Malkavian Mod people could turn Murderking's Parody and this one into a cutscene...

Hell, I'd *pay* a few bucks to see that, complete with good voiceacting.

Deus_Ex_Machina · #10 12-15-2010, 12:54 PM

This thread has won the internetz.

[FGS]Shadowrunner · #11 12-15-2010, 01:12 PM

Bob page: Haha, i'm using the internet
jc denton: All your bases are belong to me

Donvermicelli · #12 12-15-2010, 10:46 PM

This thread is made of pure WIN

MaxxQ1 · #13 12-16-2010, 03:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donvermicelli

This thread is made of pure WIN

I just wanted to say that this is the first time in all my years of posting on various forums that I've been sigged.

<sniff> Now I'm all teary-eyed... anyone got a tissue?