Funniest Story I've Written In Awhile
Convergence - the notion that a sequence of transformations come to the same conclusion, no matter what order they are performed in.
"Wakeup.", a punk looking kid says with a green mohawk.
"Wakeup.", your eyes open slowly in a blurry vision.
"What?", you say. "Are you okay?", he asks.
"Of course, dilhole.", you say.
"It's just we thought you had fallen off your skateboard.",
he says looking at a board next to you. "I was asleep fartknocker.",
you say as he turn his mohawk like an airplane and leaves.
You close your eyes a few seconds to gain your vision.
You reopen your eyes and a small framed girl is standing in front of
you with a curious look. She rolls her eyes and you try to
avoid that you can see or what to interact as it would be akward.
You get up and get on your board and push off rolling along.
You look over your shoulder and the girl is still standing there. '
You push a few more times and hop off a few curbs and go for
quite a ways. There is a nice place to relax and you stop to
enjoy the ambience. Time passes at a more quickly rate as you
must regain your composure from skating to get there. You feel
your body as it needs time to function and have strength.
So it is as if time does not exist for you, little or at all.
The same girl walks up to where you are now and just stops and
begins to stare at you. As if you are a TV on her favorite show.
You feel different when she is looking at you. As if time
were not how it is when you are alone and it is unimportant.
So you quickly grab your body in an action of a spedup time
in which you function as if there was none at all. Throw down the board
and push it slowly as it goes straight at her. She doesn't move
as her eyes just follow you and you skate around here.
You turn a corner or two and skate off in the distance into
the sunrise. The sky starts to get darker though to your
confusion. You honestly are confused. As it gets darker and darker,
"What is going on?", you think. "It's not morning.", you
think, as it gets pitch black dark.
You had been asleep all day because you'd been up all night before.
The town seemed strange to you, you'd never seen it before.
You had definitly come here from somewhere else the night before.
"I know who you are.", the girl's voice says behind him in
his new locale. "You do?", he asks. "Yes, you're that guy
from the other place.", she says to his now incommunicado.
"I'm going somewhere and you need to go where I'm going.",
she says. "Why is that?", he asks. "...because you have nothing
here.", she finishes as she turns walking away.
He is not the bit curious about here and just thinks nothing of her.
As he sits with nothing to ponder but his mind and what she
just said. He tries to fight his curiosity to a brick wall.
"What just happened?", he thinks silently.
He skates off and then pulls a 180 loop in the direction
she went off being curious. "What could anybody do?", he thought.
"My curiousity must settle and I'm a force to be reckoned with
if anybody or thing gets in my way.", his mind oversights.
He starts going down the only street and looks to see that
none of any of the lights have turned on. There are no cars,
the lawns haven't been cut by illegal workers in years. Just
as if everybody vanished or there was never anybody there in
the first place.
Off in the distance a light comes from a porch. "Oh, horray.",
he thinks. "There is life in this place.", he thinks.
As he nears the house he notices it is painted neon pink.
He stops dead in the street to poise a house of such strangeness
from the others.
The door comes open and the girl pokes her head out saying,
"Come on in, I won't bite," This only makes him more paranoidal
and to continue on not even thinking going in. The door closes
and she disappears back inside.
Off in the distance heavy music starts to get louder and louder as he gets closer.
Closer and closer. Then he looks over to a guy with a boombox
just playing with the volume control. "Ha ha, just playin'
wit' cha'.", he says.
He asks the boombox guy, "Who is that girl?" "She is BAD NEWS!", he answers. "DO
NOT go to her house.", he says. "Why?", he asks now in curiosity.
"She's the reason nobody else lives in this town.", he says.
"A population is wives, daughters, sons, mothers, dogs, cats, fathers,..."
"Is this going somewhere?", he interupts. "It's just she
is the Devil herself and the town has a zero population.",
he says. "The place is perfect because of her, therfore, there
are no other people.", he demonstrates.
"That's crazy.", he says. "I'm going over there and finishing this."
"Has she not found you every step of the way?", he says.
"That guy with the mohawk, was you.", he says. "No way.",
he says. "Who are you?", he says as he looks back at the house.
He looks back and there is nobody there. He then looks back
to the house and jumps in shock as the girl is now standing
right in front of him.
"I told you to come inside.", she says. "Who are you?", he asks.
"I believe I ask you the question first.", she challenges.
"Last name Here, first name Outta.", he says.
"Who?", she asks. "You think you're pretty funny?", she busts.
"Now you have lied to me and that is one strick on you.",
she says. "Go into my house now and I will forgive you.", she
He starts to feel a bit cold and decides going in wouldn't
kill him(or would it? besides she seems nice enough.)
He goes over and walks in the door and the door shuts by itself.
The inside turns all to flames and the girls clothes change to
a leather red outfit. "Ha! Ha!.", she says. "I am the Devil
and you are now my slave.", she says. "Cut the act, it's a bit
much.", he says. "Sorry", she says and turns a knob to turn
off the special effects.
"Why don't you just crash there on the couch.", she says.
He goes over and takes a load off putting his board by the edge.
He reaches for the TV remote and turns on the TV. It comes
on with a loud, "Pssshhh..." He changes the channel over and
over to just static. He starts to wonder what is going on.
"Oh, I don't have anything but DVD's.", she louds from the
other room. He reaches over and sees some discs and thumbs through them.
They all have her on the cover with other men.
She walks back in, now wearing something seductive.
"Are you ready?", she asks. "For what?", he replies.
"To become part of history.", she answers. She picks up a
remote and a camera high up turns a red light and buzzes
to zoom as the TV shows him sitting on the couch. She strolls over
and sits beside him.
The lights begin to flicker as she looks and says, "Dammit,
I'll be right back." and goes off into another part of the house.
Loud moans are heard to his shock and big whipping sounds
and screams. She comes back relieved and turns to him and
says. "I'm kidding, .. it was a recording. "Hu hu,...", he says,
"You really have a sense of humor."
The scene pans to a DVD on the side with him on the cover with her.
The scene pans back and it's a different guy. The guy says,
"What happened to all the guys in these DVDS?" "They left.",
she says. "Now it's your time to leave." As the camera sucks him
into it, so he too is a now a new addition to library. "Ahh ha ha ha!"
He then leans his head back into her door, "Bye.", he says.
"Bye.", she says. "Oh and don't tell anybody, it's my best joke yet."
XZX WAS HERE