View Full Version : my book
this was kindly hosted by DKSM...this is only chapter 1, but 2 should be up soon, 3 will b here by next weekend!
thank you DKSM!
please post reviews!
who is going 2 read this???
It's very good. Nicely done. Chapter 2 is up too. Just one thing, it is violent so you have been warned. ;)
im going 2 bed now...when i check in the mornin i would like a few reviews plz... good nite!
06-29-2002, 06:12 PM
Whats a story without violence....:rolleyes:
06-29-2002, 07:48 PM
As one writer to another, here is my small effort in reviewing your story.
1. In the first paragraph, you say"those same eyes" maybe it should read, "the same eyes". To me it reads better.
2. Messily? What are you trying to say here? Also, I've been told never to start a sentance with 'and'.
3.'a ladys man' nothing was said previously that gave the reader a hinit he was this. Perhaps you could say something like, "as I think of myself as something of a ladies man"
4. In the fight scene, they are in an alley so it should be ground, not floor. The scene is good though.
5. I don't think you can see the nose bone(as you call it) penetrate the brain. Say,'it looked like the nose bone had penetrated the brain to me' or something like that.
6. There are some grammer errors and the like but I must say the story is very interesting to me. If you really want comments and help there are writer groups on the internet where you can post your stories and have others review them for you. Now, alot of writers don't like to hear negitive things about their story. Ihope that you take what I have said in the spirit it was meant, to help. I will read the second chapter later but I find it a very good start to your story and the premise is interesting.
no no no...this is good..i want more of this!
thank you wolf...maybe i will send future chapters to you first, so that you can analize them!
but that might take a while...do you come on here often?
06-30-2002, 06:54 AM
you can send me them if you want, I'm not that good at it but will try and help you../see profile for e-address
i will do so...those tips were quite good...thanx!
u seem to be the one of the few interested ppl!
chapter 3 should be up in a day or two...i have also made some changes to 1 and 2 which will be up at the same time...nothing big though...i am writing every noght so the chapter SHOULD come without huge time intervals...
I'll be ready to read and upload it! :)
i have finished writing it...it will be up by 2nite...if it isnt blame DKSM;) :) ...
Dago has left the building...
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